Expensive Cocktails

MILES and SAM are sitting together at the bar. It’s just reached a lull in the conversation. Silence pervades for a moment as they try to find something new to talk about.

MILES

When was the last time we did this?

SAM

God, I couldn’t tell you. It was in another lifetime, for sure.

MILES

For sure. It wasn’t the night we went to that bar in Soho was it? When you spilt the drinks on us?

SAM

When I…?

MILES

You spilt the drinks. Come on. You tripped over a chair and chucked them everywhere?

SAM

Which bar was this?

MILES

It was… I think it had purple walls? And it was really dark, kind of strobey lighting-

SAM

Are you sure?

MILES

Yeah! You must remember. They were those really expensive cocktails and you got so annoyed at yourself.

SAM

That doesn’t sound like me.

MILES

Ha ha. Do you seriously not remember?

SAM

Maybe… oh, was it the place with all the flags on the walls, the bunting?

MILES

No, that was when the World Cup was on. England were playing Sweden and Amy dragged us out to that grim little hovel to watch the game-

SAM

And she kept on getting all those free drinks sent to her.

MILES

Yeah, that place was full of creeps.

SAM

I don’t think she was complaining.

MILES

They were all at least twice her age, though. She found it pretty weird.

SAM

Didn’t she end up sleeping with the bartender?

MILES
Sounds about right. Classic Amy, only she can walk into an absolute cesspit of horny old men and hunt down the only virile one in the room for a shag. 

SAM

I don’t think she’d love that description, Miles.

MILES

Well, it’s a good thing she’s not here to hear it then, isn’t it?

SAM

I guess. I don’t know. I liked that place. It was fun.

MILES

Was it? I hated it.

SAM

Right.

Pause.

MILES

Have you seen Amy much? Recently, I mean?

SAM

Yeah, occasionally. Have you?

MILES
No, not really. She hadn’t gotten over everything last time I saw her. I’d be surprised if anything had changed.

SAM

You never know. She changed a lot over the past few years. 

MILES

She doesn’t still work at that club in Brixton does she? Remember, you can always find her there if you seek Amy.

SAM

Calm down, Britney. No, she doesn’t work there anymore.

MILES
Oh, really? No way. I don’t believe you.

SAM
Well, I don’t know what to tell you.

MILES

Where does she work now then?

SAM
She’s a carer now.

MILES
A carer? For who? Only person she cared about was herself.

SAM
That’s rich.

MILES
Hey!

SAM

It is and you know it is. She’s been a carer for years, she helps the elderly.

MILES

I just can’t picture it. Amy, helping the elderly? Does she have to give them sponge baths?

SAM

Probably.

MILES

That’s so grim. Poor girl, she could’ve done so much more with her life!

SAM

More than helping people?

MILES

Oh, you know what I mean.

SAM

Just because you wouldn’t do it yourself doesn’t mean she can’t like it.

MILES

That’s not what I’m saying at all! I just didn’t see this for her, that’s all.

SAM
I don’t think she saw this for herself, either, to be fair. After her dad died she-

MILES
What?

SAM

Her dad died. A few years back, did you not hear?

MILES

Clearly not. No one told me. (Pause). That’s so sad.

SAM
Yeah, it was. She really struggled with it for a while. Made a lot of life changes after that, quit the club. She’s sober now, you know.

MILES

Wow. 

SAM

I think it put a lot in perspective for her. About everything.

MILES
I can imagine, yeah. How sad. How did he die?

SAM

Does it matter?

MILES

…I guess not.

Pause.

MILES (CONT.)

Maybe I should reach out. Say hi. You know, see if she’s okay. Do you think she’d like that?

Pause. Sam looks at him.

MILES (CONT.)

I mean, do you think she’d be okay with that? I just miss her, is all. And I want her to be happy. And I want to make amends for, you know, everything, because we never really got closure. I miss how close we were. We used to do everything together. We used to be so inseparable and now… it hurts. I never wanted it to end that way, you know, I never meant for it to end that way. I never meant for it to end, full stop. I just… feel bad. Is all.

Pause. Sam sips his drink.

MILES (CONT.)

What are you thinking?

SAM

I don’t know. 

MILES

Is she still mad at me?

SAM

Honestly? I really don’t know. We don’t talk about it.

MILES
About me?

SAM

About you.

MILES

Oh.

SAM

What’s the point in reliving the distant past, Miles? That life doesn’t exist anymore.

MILES

It could. It could still. Why couldn’t it?

SAM

Because that’s not how life works. Things change. People change. And some people don’t.

MILES

It was just an idea. I just want to make it up to her.

SAM

Right.

MILES

I do. I want to make it up to her. I want to make up with her. 

SAM

And what if she doesn’t want that?

MILES

She might.

SAM

And if she doesn’t.

MILES

Then we can cross that bridge together. We can talk it out.

SAM

You can’t talk your way out of everything.

MILES
You’d be surprised.

SAM

Actually, I wouldn’t.

Pause.

MILES

Do you hate me?

SAM

Miles-

MILES

No, no, really, do you, because I understand if you do. I’m a little shit and I’m selfish and I talk a lot and I’m self-centred and I know that, I do, but I’m trying to get better. I’m trying to improve, I am, I promise. But I just can’t bear to have you hate me, Sam. And I don’t think you do, I hope you don’t. We have so many memories together. So many lovely, lovely memories, like when we went and watched the football, and when you spilt the drinks on us, and when I beat you to the top of that mountain in the Lake District, and when I kissed you for the first time at Christmas under the mistletoe, and when I used to hug you from behind when you were cooking, and when I said I love you for the first time and you cried. I don’t want to let go of that, I can’t. We loved each other, you loved me, so you can’t hate me now, you can’t, because if you loved me then, you could love me now, and I need you to love me.

Miles has grabbed Sam’s hand by the time this speech ends. Silence hangs between them as they look at each other. After a moment, Miles catches his breath and hangs his head.

MILES

I’m sorry.

SAM

For what?

MILES

I don’t know. Everything.

SAM
Right.

MILES

Say something.

SAM

What do you want me to say, Miles?

MILES

I don’t-

SAM

What do you want me to do? Forget everything? Pretend like nothing happened?

MILES
But the memories-

SAM

Those are your memories, Miles. Yours. Not mine. I don’t remember the lovely memories. I don’t remember the cocktails. I didn’t cry when you told me you loved me. That’s not how it happened.

MILES

Yes, it is.

SAM

No, Miles, it isn’t. Listen to me. That’s not how it happened. (Pause.) I don’t hate you, Miles. I don’t. 

MILES

Really?

SAM

No. I did, for a while. A long time. It ate me up. It consumed me. For a bit. And then I got over it. Maybe it’s time you did too.

MILES

I don’t know if I can.

SAM

You have to, Miles. It’s time to let go.

Sam removes his hand from Miles’. After a moment, they both take a swig from their glasses, emptying them.

SAM (CONT.)

Don’t reach out to Amy. She’s in a good place right now. She doesn’t need that.

MILES
Does she know you’re here? With me? Did you tell her?

SAM

No. I thought about it. I thought maybe she’d want to come, too. But I didn’t tell her. 

MILES

Are you going to?

(Pause.)

SAM

No.

MILES

So I’ve just been erased. Forgotten. Just like that.

SAM

God, Miles, this is not about you! You are not the centre of the universe. When are you going to realise that? Amy is better off now. She doesn’t need you in her life. She’s said goodbye to that part of herself, the part that knew you. That loved you. I think it’s time I did the same.

MILES

Sam, please-

SAM

No, Miles. Enough. Make some new friends, travel abroad, go to therapy, I don’t care. This is goodbye. 

MILES
I can change. You said it yourself, people change, I can do it, I’m trying!

SAM

Okay. Good for you.

MILES

If I show you I’ve changed will you take me back?

SAM

You’re persistent, I’ll give you that. I’ll tell you what, Miles: if in five years’ time, you turn up again, and you’re the exact opposite of who you are now. You’re kind, and considerate, and you listen, and you empathise, if you do all of that, if you couldn’t be further away from your current self, or the selves that you have been – I will look you in the eye and tell you that it’s time to say goodbye.

MILES

That’s not fair.

SAM

Says who? You don’t get to decide if you’re part of our lives. You don’t get to decide one day that you’re officially a better person now, and that we have to welcome you back with open arms and tell you how much we love you. That’s not for you to decide. Just because you come crawling back doesn’t mean we have to pick you up and cuddle you and put you back in your cradle. No. We’re done. How long is it going to take for you to get that?

Pause.

SAM (CONT.)

I’m sorry. I am. I didn’t want to say it like that. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to say it at all. But you won’t change, Miles, and neither will I. Maybe things could have been different. But they’re not. So. This is goodbye.

Sam turns to leave. 

MILES

It was me.

SAM

What?

MILES
It was me. In the bar, in Soho, with the purple walls and the strobe lights. I bought the drinks, the expensive ones, the ones I knew you liked. Because I had to tell you. That was the day, I had to tell you. I wanted to make you happy. To make up for everything. But I tripped on a chair and spilt them. It was me. I just remembered.

SAM

Right.

Sam exits.